免費修改留學申請文件_第一周幸運兒公佈

美國大學申請,美國研究所申請

College Admissions EssayBoot Camp (8)免費修改留學文件活動開跑至今一周,大家還沒有很踴躍,這時候更要趕快參加,因為中獎機會非常高喔! 活動期間到12月31日,還有許多名額,想參加的朋友們,請參考活動辦法

現在就來公佈第一周兩位中獎幸運兒的修改完稿,剛好兩份都是申請美國研究所的SoP,但寫作風格可是相當不同喔。廢話不多說,一起來看看你喜歡哪位編輯的修改風格吧

修改完稿內可以看見  1.追蹤修訂痕跡(輕鬆比對修改前後文),  2. 右邊是外籍編輯的整體評價跟細部評價(例如單字選用或冗句刪除的原因)。
*修改標準為官網付費標準


第一份文件:由編輯Kypros修改

Comment:
This personal statement is well-written, readable, and positively portrays you. I edited your work for grammar and punctuation, to smooth out flow, fix awkward phrasing, improve tone, and chose alternate words and phrases for clarity and persuasiveness. I’ve also asked questions and comments where your further input could improve this even more.

修改完稿:
Wordvice_First week_SoP_1


第二份文件:由編輯Josh修改

Comment: 

Thanks so much for letting me help you with this statement of purpose.
Overall, you’ve presented yourself very well; however, your essay can use some specificity. By this, I mean that you should stick with one topic and really explain it in detail. This can be a research project – and be sure to focus on your results and analyses, rather than just the topic – or a related story, but the admissions committee is looking for specific experience, skills, and personality traits that match with their faculty and students. Thus, you need to explain in detail what you’ve done, what you’ve learned, and what you can contribute to their program.

修改完稿:
Wordvice_First week_SoP_2

 

 

*本活動已經獲得文件作者同意,刪除個人資訊後公開部分內容作為行銷用途。轉載內文請註明出處,Wordvice保有中止或修改本活動之所有權利。

 

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