修改完稿內可以看見 1.追蹤修訂痕跡(輕鬆比對修改前後文)， 2. 右邊是外籍編輯的整體評價跟細部評價(例如單字選用或冗句刪除的原因)。
This personal statement is well-written, readable, and positively portrays you. I edited your work for grammar and punctuation, to smooth out flow, fix awkward phrasing, improve tone, and chose alternate words and phrases for clarity and persuasiveness. I’ve also asked questions and comments where your further input could improve this even more.
Thanks so much for letting me help you with this statement of purpose.
Overall, you’ve presented yourself very well; however, your essay can use some specificity. By this, I mean that you should stick with one topic and really explain it in detail. This can be a research project – and be sure to focus on your results and analyses, rather than just the topic – or a related story, but the admissions committee is looking for specific experience, skills, and personality traits that match with their faculty and students. Thus, you need to explain in detail what you’ve done, what you’ve learned, and what you can contribute to their program.